Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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