First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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