Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize