No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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