i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
