its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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