Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
