Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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