Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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