Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
