I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
