You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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