I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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