On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize