I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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