Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i jhust puked up my retainher.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
