we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
