Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
