before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
