MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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