im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
