You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
