**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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