Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
