i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
