I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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