Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
