Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
