i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
