Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
