no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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