Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
