Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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