my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
