Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
