I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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