why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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