Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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