I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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