cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
