Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
