You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize