I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
