so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
zippers are such a cool invention
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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