You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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