Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
