Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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