Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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