He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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