About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
