fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize