my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
