Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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