Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize