whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
