i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
