I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did i walk over a car last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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