I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
