I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
