my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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