why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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