READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
