never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
