oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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