Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
