im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
