People in love make me want to vomit
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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