i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
