I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
