so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
