you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
