I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
