You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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