while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
